Sororities

I found this quote a few years ago and was struck by it simply because I've been there. I've tried to explain to people why sorority matters and it was hard! This quote seemed to pinpoint, not really what sorority is, but how hard it is to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it.

Yesterday I went to an event for my Pharmacy Fraternity. And who showed up but my sorority sisters. They came and sat down and made friends without even knowing that I knew everyone there. I was super sentimental about it. One of my pharmacy littles met one of my sorority gbabes. My worlds collided and I was super happy about it.

Sororities give you friends for life - those people who are going to be there for you in the end, no matter if you haven't talked to them in years or not. Those people that, even if you weren't really friends at school, years later you still have things in common with them. Those people that when you see them, you attack them, jump on them, and start crying because you missed them more than you would ever have guessed. 

They also put you in situations and life lessons that teach you how to be a better and stronger person - one who can take on the world. They give you a support group to fall back on, people who understand you, and shared experiences to learn from and remember.

I may be two years graduated and two years out of my sorority, but I can say that I am so proud of where I have come from, and joining my sorority was one of the best decisions that I ever made. So I am going to go eat pancakes, and support my sisters while they raise money for St Jude Research Hospital.

A Really Bad Joke

18 years ago today, I was diagnosed with cancer. That means that I was in Kindergarten and the last thing that I should have had to deal with was dying. I should have been running around outside, getting dirty, causing trouble, and in general, just being a carefree 6-year-old. Instead, I spent my summer inside a hospital, being poked and prodded, feeling generally miserable, and dealing with emotions and fear that no person, but especially not a 6-year-old, should ever have to deal with. I have to say, it was one REALLY bad April Fools' joke. :P

Now, I was what they call "textbook" - I didn't have any weird reactions or complications and went into remission very quickly and in general, was a very healthy kid. But others of my friends were not so lucky. I have friends who had strange side effects, were held back in school, relapsed, and even passed away - some of whom had the exact same disease that I had! Imagine trying to process that at 6-years-old! You are the same age and have the same disease as your friend but you make it, and they don't. Extremely traumatic is probably the simplest way to describe that.

But I guess that is partly the point of this post - I had to grow up at a very young age because I had to be able to deal with something far beyond my abilities. Things like this change you - and they change you for good. You deal with them, process them, and move on, but in the end, that experience stays with you and has fundamentally changed who you are. It also fundamentally changes those people around you who had to deal with it with you. It draws you closer, or pushes you apart. I'm overall a very lucky kid - my relationships were strengthened all the way around. Not only that, but I've developed my own set of interests and passions that come from that experience. But I've also got my own issues that come from there too such as how I deal with conflict - I deal with them as I recognize them and move on, but that doesn't change the fact that for good or bad, near-death experiences fundamentally alter you.

I've played my share of April Fools' jokes, but for me this day means something entirely different. I thank God for my life, the people in it, and those who no longer are. I take some time to remember those that I have lost and ask myself if they would be proud of what I have done with my life, since they never had the chance. Because there is a reason that I am here and they are not. I have absolutely no idea what that reason is, and I will probably never know, but there is a reason, and it wasn't just chance. Because of that, I want to make sure that I am living the legacy that my fellow cancer kids would have wanted me to leave behind; because I should have died 18 years ago, so in reality, I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain - but that doesn't mean that I'm alone.

Be thankful for what you have - each and every day. Be thankful for the little things, because you never know when or how it can be taken from you. Live for those people that have brought you to where you are today, but most of all - live for yourself.

Brains

I just spent the last weekend with two of my best friends. We were competing in a national pharmacy compounding competition and got 3rd place in the compounding section! The teams that won overall, almost all had been at the competition for multiple years in a row, so beating these teams in the heaviest weighted section was so exciting! Our compounding professor looked as though she had never been more proud of her students.

The funny thing about this, is that all of us, at least once during this section, had thought we were going to cry (even though I was pretty positive that my teammates knew more about what they were doing than I did.) We had gone into this competition feeling prepared and were given a problem that was nothing along the lines of anything we had ever practiced....and succeeded beyond our belief in ourselves. We got to the point where we figured we would just throw shit together and cross our fingers - apparently we know more than we thought we did!

This just goes to show that you are almost always smarter than you think and the more you work hard and believe in yourself, the more you will succeed in life and in each adventure that you undertake. We signed up for the local competition to spend some time in the compounding lab, we had no idea that there was anything to win - and we ended up traveling to Florida to compete nationally for our school against 14 other schools, even beating out many of them! We were smarter and more capable than we thought and are determined to prove it next time!

Believe in yourself and your abilities and you can go places that you never dreamed possible.

Chaos

So, it's Spring Break, and I'm busy working, seeing friends, and trying to stay on top of everything that I have to do, as well as study for an exam on Monday (yes, the day after Spring Break, my life sucks.) Apparently, when I was up at 7am on the first Monday of my break, my dad asks my mom, "Does she ever take a break?" My mom's reply: "No, no, I don't think she does."

I need my breaks just as much as everyone else, but I also need to be busy. Maybe you can relate? I keep moving, get stuff done, and can't keel over until everything really truly is said and done.

For me, I don't feel alive unless I'm constantly flying by the seat of my pants. I thrive on that time where you are so busy, you simply give up sleeping. The catch? You have to be doing something that you really love or else none of it is worth it.

Chaos can be a good thing. If you are like me, you can thrive on it, but it can also help prove to you what is really worth your time and is worth fighting for. Because when all-Hell-breaks-loose, the part of the chaos that you hold on to and attempt to control, is the part that you really care about, that part that you don't want to lose.

So say "yes" to too many things. Do more than you think you can, just to prove it to yourself. Live in the chaos of life and don't try to avoid it. Understand that it is all part of the bigger picture and something beautiful will come out of it.

Ambition

I have always been entirely too busy for my own good - and I like it that way. I get more done when I'm busier. I've turned in to an awful procrastinator when I'm not busy, so being busy keeps me focused and motivated to be my best.

I spent last year (an entire year! Go me!) being not busy. I didn't have any leadership positions, I had a super small job, and the biggest time commitment for me outside of school was the guy I was dating (which doesn't really count as a time commitment). It was glorious! I have never gotten so much sleep and had so much free time! After years of being constantly busy and running around like a chicken-with-my-head-cut-off, I finally had time to breathe. I believe that there are times in everyone's life where you need that, you need to do something different and focus entirely on you. It was a lovely year, and I know that at some point I will repeat the experience.

However, what I also found was that I am a happier, and better person when I am busy. I am more myself and feel like I have a lot more control over my life. I was asked on a first date a few weeks ago...and pulled out my planner. When telling this story to a friend of mine, she hung her head in embarrassment for me at this point in the story. But she was more embarrassed for me than I was! I'm not ashamed of being busy. Yes, I enjoyed being able to make plans and not be attached to my planner, but I'm more productive and generally happier when I am. Not to mention, the guy in question is now my boyfriend, so he must have thought it cute instead of embarrassing :P . But this guy is getting a crash course in my personality and so far likes the high-reaching, over-achieving girl that he found.

Kicking A$$ and Taking Names

Have you ever had someone go out of their way to insult your very being? Have you ever had someone stick their nose in where it didn't belong? Have you ever been questioned by the people you serve? I have.

Questioning is good - it is good to question leaders to make sure they stay on track, don't wander, are communicating properly, and are not traveling off to left field. However, there is a way to do it with grace and kindness that doesn't cause people to hate you.

The questioning that I got was annoying, inappropriate, and really slightly rude. However, I did take the time to look at everything, ask a few people that I work with, and evaluate everything just to make sure. The questions were not entirely out of line, but I hadn't communicated myself properly, so the check up was good. Unfortunately, the person who did the questioning, doesn't know me. They didn't know that I don't make decisions willy-nilly. I sit and think about them for quite a long period of time before acting, and if I don't get that time, then I tend to stress out about the decision for at least a few days after the fact.

Now, because this individual doesn't know me, and has a hard time communicating kindly (never send an email - always talk in person!), they made the crucial error of insulting my ability to perform my job through insulting my time management skills. ..... I repeat - YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!! If one of my good friends or family had questioned my ability to do everything I signed up for, I would take them seriously and think about what they said, because they know me well enough to know when I'm getting myself in over my head. They know from experience where my breaking point is. They know my time management qualities, my resume, my determination, my sleep schedule, etc. Coming from anyone else, this accusation is simply insulting.

I read the offending email to my sister - and the look on her face was priceless. The look on her face was shock that someone could say to me what they did. (This is coming from my sister, who is one person in my life who has pushed every single one of my buttons and truly knows my limits.)

The good news is - every person that I have ever worked with, every professor that has ever taught me, every boss or advisor I have ever had - would know that I can kick some ass when necessary. They know that I can do unearthly amounts of work while still finding time to sleep and get good grades.

The email that I sent back was sister-, friends-, and even Mom-approved. Because these people know that I am not a kiss ass - I don't get things in life because I'm pretty or a girl. I get what I want because I work hard and fight for it. I will always be kind and professional and non-confrontational, but if you ask me to, I will kick your ass.

Some People...

 Everyone has those people in their lives that really don't think. Sometimes they are just "dumb blondes" (sorry to my blonde friends!), sometimes they are just having a bad day, sometimes they are doing too much and can't remember anything, and sometimes you truly worry for their future.

The "dumb blonde" category and the "bad day" category can also be combined with the "super busy" category and be renamed "people who are actually smart and say/do stupid stuff sometimes," in which case, we all will fall into it on occasion.

But the others...I truly worry about sometimes. Some people don't know what an iron or even a hair brush is, and so will never make a good first impression. Some people always think they are right, but they can't be right to save their lives. (These ones worry me greatly when they don't even have the grace to correct themselves when people point out that they are completely wrong and everyone knows it.) Some people blab all over Facebook about what grade they got on an exam...even if it sucks. Some people just want attention, no matter what kind. I really just wish all these people would think for 2 seconds before acting, speaking, posting, etc and think about what kind of an impression they are making - and how it could come back to bite them later. We all make mistakes, I've acknowledged that before, but some people are actually dumb.