"Slutoween"

So I was on Twitter - yes, I have one, not entirely sure why except for that a bunch of my friends have one - and stumbled across this article. What made this even more entertaining for me was that I was sitting in my apartment in my sweats also seeing pictures of a bunch of my friends getting dressed up to go to the bars, and my only thought was how much better it would be for me to go to bed early instead.... #gradschoolproblems . (And I'm now up writing this, so I didn't do that either!) Now, the most revealing costumes I've worn still had me completely covered and modest - I do have photographic evidence of this, but you will have to take my word for it. But I have also seen girls go out in literally their bra and underwear with some sort of ears or headband. (Now those individuals, I judge, but you don't need to hear that topic.) But in general, I don't really care what people wear on Halloween. Here's why:

In our traditional, Halloween is about being scary, but the real history is about Samhain and the spirits that were supposed to come out and damage crops and play tricks on people at the change of seasons in the Celtic Year. The Romans and the Christians each tweaked the holiday as they came through Celtic territory and what resulted was impersonating the dead and the asking for sweet bread in exchange for prayers for people's souls. HuffingtonPost How we got to exactly where we are today, I'm not 100% positive but it involved a good many generations, I'm sure.

My point (because the history lesson really wasn't it, I promise), is that the modern view of Halloween (or All Hallow's Eve) is not necessarily about being something scary and impersonating the dead, it's simply about being something that you're not. You can choose to be slutty or not, but you just can't be yourself.

To many people, they aren't sluts, so they want to be one for a night, at least in dress. Try it on for size. See if that's something that becomes them. (I could say the same thing about the "One Night Stand" I met a few years ago who was a guy dressed up like a bedside table - kudos to you, I'm obviously still talking about it!) But the thing is - the girls who aren't sluts, hang up their costume when they get home, because it was fun to dress that way for one night, but it's not who they are.

The psychology review that the Cosmo article included pointed out the confusing sexual messages given to girls of our generation. I do think they have a good point, which is why so many girls dress scantily on Halloween - to get away from all those signals because no one will judge you for one night. (Even though there may be some heavy teasing involved.) I don't think that people do this consciously by any means, but I do think it's a big part of being 20-something. Being 20-something is about figuring out who you are amid all the pressures around you; and when those pressures are conflicting and you get a group of people going through huge life changes, there needs to be a safe outlet for those internal frustrations. During the rest of the year, people find different ways of getting rid of those pressures, but at Halloween they have the option of a different tactic.

Doing something (anything!) out of your norm can be a good release for people because they can try something different. They can go out on a limb and see if they like it there. Whatever the "different thing" is, the experience is going to help us to grow in some way. Maybe you find something that you love and fits you perfectly...or maybe you fail miserably and learn from the "mistake." But whichever the outcome, you grow. Dressing up at Halloween might be a frail attempt at "something different" considering that most of us have grown up dressing as SOMETHING for Halloween, but the costume choice can help that. Be something you aren't - just for one night (slutty or not) - and see how you like (or don't like) the view. Maybe you will gain a different perspective on life.

So the question now becomes: if the rule is that you can't be yourself - who will you be?

Happy (early) Halloween!

7 Cardinal Rules in Life

Everyone goes through times in their life that are more challenging than others - and if you haven't, I'm slightly worried about you, because believe me, your time is coming...but there are a few things that we all need to remember as the days go by that can try to help us through those times.

1. Make Peace with your Past. No matter what you have done in your life, God still loves you - and if He loves you, then you have no reason not to love you. I'm also sure that we've all done at least 1 thing that we believe is unforgivable - but that isn't true either, those things just need more time and healing.

2. What Others Think of You is None of Your Business. This is true - what you think of yourself is really all that matters. My roommates and I were talking last night about people we know - and this morphed into, "what do other people say about me?" (And we were referring to people who don't know us that well but that see us every day.) And you know, as much as we would still like to know the answer to that question - if we are happy with our own lives and with who we are, then other people will have nothing bad to say about us! Always be kind and prove your value to yourself, and the opinions of others will fall to the wayside.

3. Time Heals Almost Everything - to be honest, I haven't yet found something that time WON'T heal. The problem is, you have to wait for it. "Patience is a virtue," as they say, but maybe patience is really meant to keep us calm while we wait for time to heal us, because it will, and you will be a changed person because of the experience. (It's also nice to remember that "there is nothing new under the sun" and you are not the only person who has ever been hurt or has had to wait for time to heal you - it doesn't really help a ton, but it does help with the patience aspect slightly.)

4. You are the Reason for your Happiness. This goes back to number 2, if you are happy with yourself, life will be good. When we turn to alcohol or sex or pick-your-negative outlet to create a semblance of happiness, that feeling is fleeting - and will leave you less fulfilled and more unhappy as time goes on. Find something productive that makes you happy - be that exercise, dance, or throwing yourself at as many leadership positions as you can possibly handle - just make sure it's productive. Through those positive things that already make you happy, you will, with God's help, learn to find yourself again.

5. Don't Compare your Life with Others - this brings expectations that won't be fulfilled for you. I read a book once called He's Just Not That Into You (the movie is pretty good too - I recommend both of them), and the authors kept saying things along the lines of "just because this one person that your friend knows had this guy that behaved this way, doesn't mean that that's normal and will happen to you." The point of that was - don't compare your story to that of others! (Now, I truly believe that every happy couple has one of those "exception" stories, you just don't have any way of knowing which dating "rule" is the one you will be breaking, so you have to learn to play by the "rules." But that is another story.) The point is, you're life is your own - so be happy with it. Comparing will only bring you heartache.

6. Stop Thinking Too Much. To be honest, this one is probably my hardest one - and to be more honest, the reason I'm writing this blog to begin with, to get my thoughts out in one coherent place so as to stop that never-ending-ruminating-cycle. I always want there to be an answer and many times, there either isn't one, or I don't like the one that exists. Start a diary, rant to a friend, write a blog - do whatever it takes to get yourself to stop over-thinking the situation - because most of the time they aren't even worth it.

and last but definitely not least,

7. Smile and stand up straight. Put on your 4 inch heels if it makes you more confident. Not only does smiling actually releases endorphins and serotonin and relieves stress which makes us physically happier. On top of that, it makes you more attractive and open and friendly which draws people in! I actually have a friend that I thought was a terrible human being when I first met her - and the more I saw her smile the more I wanted to be her friend, and the funny thing is - she is quite a wonderful human being who was just unhappy at the point in time when I met her! But to be honest, I would never have even gone out of my way to be nice, had I not seen her smile and had this crazy idea that she might be cool. The more you can smile, and laugh, the happier you will be - I guarantee it.

For Coffee Lovers:

I can't remember where I found this...probably Pinterest or something, but I thought it was funny. I also am avoiding studying like the plague and yet didn't have much to say - so thought I'd be fun instead of reflective today! So, coffee:

Double Espresso - practical and hard-working! I like it! I tend to drink this (and anything that isn't drip coffee) in the middle of the day when I'm beat - hardworking must be right!

Mocha - I don't drink the above espresso plain...ever.

Macchiato - I only drink these when I'm tired and really just want sugar. So I get the best of both worlds - caffeine and sugar! As for traditional and reserved ...that might actually be accurate too haha. Depends on who you talk to, I guess. I might drink frappuccinos for the same reason - when I really just want ice cream :P

Iced Coffee - this is very good for summer days, or left over coffee. But yes - straws are fun.

Americano - I guess this is probably what I drink mixed with the espresso - I tend to order 2 shot americanos. Apparently that's a thing, although not on this list. Although, like the mocha - never plain, ever. But I do hope I'm calm...at least most of the time.

Coffee-to-Go - yep. I don't know about the cardboard sleeve - but I have a well-loved to-go mug that I bring from home...every-damn-day.

So now you know what coffee I drink...and depending on if you believe this list or not, maybe you know a little more about me too. :P

Drunk Last Night - Eli Young Band

We all know the feeling - you're going through life just totally fine and one day you find yourself crying yourself to sleep (or nearly) because of THEM. I was thinking today about why this is. And I can't say I know - maybe it's a picture you saw on Facebook, maybe you're finally truly letting them go and you're being forced to miss them all over again, or maybe you saw that cute couple at church and realized that you nearly had that - the guy that actually went to church with you and didn't complain about it, maybe even suggested it! Whatever the reason, hopefully you won't be hurting long. Life has it's ups and downs and sometimes those tears are therapeutic. As much as we hate to cry, they mean that you've reached the end of your rope and you will be stronger when this is over.


"Drunk Last Night"

I got a little drunk last night
There's something 'bout a midnight rain
Staring at the ceiling fan
I couldn't get you off my brain

I guess I wasn't thinking straight
I couldn't tell wrong from right
I went ahead and called you up
I got a little drunk last night

I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last the last time every time
Don't know why

Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk last night

I got a little too far gone
I was talking way too loud
I don't remember what I said
I just remember breaking down

I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last the last time every time
Don't know why

Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a girl who looked like you
Might've been a fluke, might've been a full moon
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk last night

Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a girl who looked like you
Might've been a fluke, might've been a full moon
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk

I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last the last time every time

I got a little drunk last night
I got a little drunk last night
Thought I could keep it all inside
But I got a little drunk last night


But for now, feel the emotion - whether good or bad, because whatever the reason it's there...there is a reason. And only by going through it, will you be able to get to the end and the happiness on the other side.

Forgotten

This picture doesn't really have much to do with this. But I was thinking today - you know, sometimes, I want to be the one people text. I want to be the one with the information. When anything fun is happening and no one tells me (unless my roommates do), it kind of sucks when everyone else hangs out together....and no one thought to tell me...

Yes, I'm aware. This sounds like a childish rant - and probably is. But it really makes me wonder - what did I do? Or what didn't I do? I have a lot of great friends, but I'm not the "party-person." I'm not the exciting one. But as far as I'm aware I'm not a bad friend - and if I am and my friends could inform me of this, I would really like to know. K, thanks!

When my roommates look at me at 9:30 and say, "are you going out tonight?" and my response is, "no....are people going out?" I know I'm invited - and I know that my roommate was probably assumed to be responsible enough with the information to include me. But that's really not the point, is it? Somewhere along the line I developed I fear of being forgotten....and I wonder where I picked up on that one?

Sometimes....just for a bit, I would really like to be the "popular" one.