Dove Real Beauty Sketches

So this is a picture of me. This particular blog post is based on this video. It is the Dove Real Beauty sketches. I highly suggest that you watch it, but if you don't have time for that, here is a summary: basically, a forensic artist (never having seen any of these women) draws them based on their descriptions of themselves and each other. So first they go in and describe themselves and then they describe the assigned person they met in the waiting room. These women were so hard on themselves, and so critical that the drawings of the self-descriptions were terrible and very sad looking. On the other hand, the drawings from the descriptions of someone else were beautiful and a whole heck of a lot more accurate to real life. Crazy!

I've never had bad self-esteem and am usually not overly critical of myself, but I figured I would try it - and be as not-negative as possible. So I've included the picture so as to keep myself honest.

1. I have pretty short hair, bob-style that comes down to between my chin and shoulders and has quite a few layers in it. I have bangs that swoop to the right from a part on the left middle. Sometimes the bangs kinda swoop upwards first and then down, and sometimes they swoop right across my forehead...not sure why the difference happens, must depend on the day.
2. My hair is brown but I have found all different colors in it and recently it has this red tint to it that comes out in certain lights. It is pretty smooth and shiny.
3. My eyebrows are relatively big, but not bushy and my eyes squint pretty bad when I smile really big. My eyes are brown and everyone says they sparkle when I smile. My Baba used to say I had "smiling eyes."
4. I wear glasses that have black rims, they are square-ish.
5. I think my nose is normal...it's not really thin or really fat either. My sister says that I flair my nostrils when I talk, but I don't know about that.
6. My teeth are white and straight due to the nice orthodontia work I had done when I was little.
7. My skin is pretty pale and my cheeks slightly rosy.
8. There is this diamond-like crease around my mouth when I smile - I will probably get laugh lines there someday.
9. My lips are light pink and are in the middle as far as shape goes - not super puffy, but not really thin either.

I feel like if someone was drawing a picture of me, that might not be a very good description, but I guess I would need more questions to answer. It's kind of hard to describe yourself completely, I'm sure there are a whole bunch of things that I didn't think of or that my friends would add. Again, I hope you watch the video, and don't be too hard on yourself. Believe them when your friends tell you that you are beautiful - because it's true.

YOLO

20 seconds, that's all it takes. The amount of time to ask "why not?", realize that you don't have a good reason, and agree to do something that you never thought you would. Sometimes that can be the stupidest thing you've ever done, sometimes it can be the best. If it's the stupidest - learn from it; if it's the best - look at what you gained! Either way, you learned something about yourself that you didn't know before.

Sometimes event the quietest among us need to go a little crazy to find out who we are and where we stand. Sometimes the path to knowing yourself fully is through everything that no one else would ever expect of you. (But the good news is, you probably have at least one friend who is exactly like you and completely understands.)

I attract crazy friends, always have. I could never figure out quite why until I found this tiny little part inside of me that really wanted to be crazy like them. Now, I'm not as crazy as some of my friends and never will be, but they bring out that "why not?" side of me that has taught me so much and shown me what I am truly capable of - but has also shown me more of who I am and what makes me happy. So to my friends that are nuts - thank you. And to those who are relatively reserved - I get you. And if you decide to do something slightly out of your norm - I know why, and I'm so very proud of you. You only live once, so you might as well make it worth living.

Confidence

I was inspired to write this because of this video. This video is the current members of the Theta Nu chapter of TriDelta expressing how TriDelta has made them more confident. I am, and always will be, a proud TriDelta and I can say that what they expressed in this video is just the tip of the iceberg. Sororities teach you so much more than you can capture in a 3 minute video. They teach you confidence, loyalty, friendship, the importance of attitude, the importance of participating and helping out. How to be a leader, a sister, a support group.

I have lots of stories from my undergrad that can express aspects of sorority life. One in particular comes to mind (because one of my sorority sisters is presenting her thesis tomorrow) is when I defended my Honors Thesis. Now, I'm a little weird and actually am more nervous in front of smaller groups of people so would much rather have a lecture hall. As it was, I had been practicing in front of the lab members I worked with and was absolutely terrified. I'd never heard of anyone failing their thesis but technically, this presentation stood in the way of me graduating from the Honors College and having to redo all my general courses. So I stood up at our weekly chapter meeting and asked if people would be able to come to my thesis. The university building was 2 blocks from the house, the presentation would take 20 minutes, and I could really use the bodies to keep me from being nervous.

Now, presenters are always early to make sure nothing goes wrong, so early I was! And I watched not only the people I worked with and my parents file into the room, but also probably 20 of my sorority sisters. As more people came in, smiling at me, even though I was nervous, I knew I would do fine. Then, the lady who was in charge of coordinating these events comes in. She takes one look around, walks over to me, and says, "who are all these people?" Apparently, I had managed to set the record for number of attendees! In that moment I felt incredibly loved. Many of the women in that room had absolutely no idea what on earth I was talking about (many of them not liking science), but they paid attention enough to tell me (and prove it!) that they got the general gist. They spent barely a half an hour supporting me and it was enough to make sure I not only passed, but excelled! Their confidence in me, reminded me to have confidence in myself. When they believed in me and voted me Vice President Administration as a sophomore, I knew that I was going to live up to their expectations.

I'm a confident person, always have been. But having the support of the amazing group of women that TriDelta attracts, made me even more confident. Through them, I can do anything. But they also keep me grounded and set me straight when I need it. They truly are my sisters and their support means everything to me.

I can't make Lindsay's thesis tomorrow (I have a final). But I know that she will do great things. She has no reason to be nervous even though everything says she should. She will excel because she has the support of the same amazing group of women that I did - the group that believes in her and knows that she can do absolutely anything she sets her mind to. Good luck my friend, show 'em what TriDelts are made of.

**Photo courtesy of Jessica Peterson and Instagram**

Attitude

I had the honor of being initiated into Phi Lambda Sigma this weekend. This is an honorary society that honors leadership. A piece of advice that we received from one of the members was this: "Keep your chin up and your nose down." Her dad had told this to her when she moved away to college and it was, she said, the best advice she ever got.

I've had some pretty good advice over the years and I do have to say that this one is pretty good. It means to be confident in what you do - have conviction and be proud of the impact that you make in the world. But don't be cocky or overbearing or ever think that you are better than someone else. If you do this, you will earn people's respect. People will follow you and respect you and trust you.

The more I thought about it, I realized that it is - on some level - this set of attitudes that I value in people. I want to follow someone that I can trust and who thinks thoroughly about everything. I want to follow someone who has made mistakes and learned from them and has become all the wiser because of it. I also want to follow someone who is humble, someone who does what they do and acts the way they do because it's for them, because that is who they are. I don't want a leader who thinks they deserve recognition for everything they do. I value modesty in people but I also value someone who knows that what they do is good.

I have a friend who fits this. I had the honor of being initiated with her this weekend. I watched her go through the process of deciding to run, and running for a national office. She lost, but she was 100% herself during the entire process. And when it was over? She talked about what she learned, the amazing people that she met and talked with, how empowered the experience made her feel, and how she would be wonderfully happy to walk someone through the process in the future if they wanted to run. She was perfectly graceful and she has this way of believing that she doesn't deserve the praise she gets while at the same time, she knows she can move mountains. I would follow her to the ends of the world and back because I know she would never ask me to do something that she wouldn't. I know that she would, to the best of her ability, never lead me astray.

I also have a friend who is a great leader. She works really hard and gets so much done when she puts her mind to it. But she was upset that she didn't get chosen for PLS. I trust her to get her job done and to get it done well, but I wouldn't necessarily want her to lead me anywhere. Why? It's hard to say - but she's extremely emotional and has a hard time thinking straight in those situations. I don't know if that's the whole reason, but it's at least a part of it.

I hope I am a leader like my first friend. I hope people want to follow me. I've been put in a position to do so, and I hope that no one ever regrets voting for me. I want to live up to the expectations of my friends and my peers and I want to serve them to the best of my ability. And I hope that they know that about me.

I think that a lot of leadership is attitude, and how you handle situations. But you can't lead if no one will follow you - and I am honored to stand alongside people that I would follow to the end of the world and beyond.

The You You Hide

My boyfriend made me think of this quote just now. He was talking to one of his roommates about me and said, "Ya, usually it takes me 3 - 4 months to fart in front of girls. But fuck it, your getting everything."

I laughed because that is exactly what I started doing last semester - being exactly who I am, not farting in front of people. I went on a bunch of dates with a bunch of guys and nothing ever stuck until I met this one. I found a guy who likes me for exactly who I am because I never felt the need to be anyone else. None of those other guys worked out because they didn't match up with me. My boyfriend said he went on a whole bunch of first dates and the same thing - nothing stuck. My guess is that it's for the same reason.

I'm done apologizing for who I am and explaining myself. I am who I am and you can take it or leave it. Never hide who you are - "because you never know who would love the [you] you hide."

Happiness

It's amazing what happens when you are happy. I have spent a lot of time recently not being happy and am proud to say that I now truly am. Everyone goes through this sometimes. The up's, the down's, the in-between's, and it always comes right in the end. But the thing you always forget in the meantime is what it feels like to be truly happy - to be yourself.

I got to spend yesterday being happy by myself and being happy with a few very good friends. It takes a lot of guts to be able to be happy and content with yourself - to be able to spend all day completely alone and to not be lonely or afraid or sad. I think to much, and when I'm alone and unhappy, that just gets worse. It was so refreshing to realize that I didn't need to think at all - because everything was finally right in my world.

I got to spend time with an amazing guy who cares about me and wants to do everything and anything that I want to - simply because he wants to learn about me and my world. He came to a fundraiser for the people I care about and had a good time, even though it was something he had never done before and never really seen himself doing. He did that for me, because I wanted to include him in my world. Two of my good friends came with me and I got to share that with them as well. Those are the people you need in your life - the people who will stay up talking with you late into the night, the people that you miss when they are gone (even if it's just home to their own apartment). Simply staying up and chatting or watching TV and doing absolutely nothing, can be the best time of your life if the right people are there. The people who care about you and build you up.

I don't get very many lazy days - I'm too busy running around doing everything else. But when I get them, I am so glad to be able to spend them with people who care about me, people who make even the simplest and laziest of days even better. I'm so glad to have these people in my life, and I hope that you all have them as well. Hold on to them, never let them go - they will be there even in the darkest of moments, when all you need to do is reach out and grab them.

Sororities

I found this quote a few years ago and was struck by it simply because I've been there. I've tried to explain to people why sorority matters and it was hard! This quote seemed to pinpoint, not really what sorority is, but how hard it is to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it.

Yesterday I went to an event for my Pharmacy Fraternity. And who showed up but my sorority sisters. They came and sat down and made friends without even knowing that I knew everyone there. I was super sentimental about it. One of my pharmacy littles met one of my sorority gbabes. My worlds collided and I was super happy about it.

Sororities give you friends for life - those people who are going to be there for you in the end, no matter if you haven't talked to them in years or not. Those people that, even if you weren't really friends at school, years later you still have things in common with them. Those people that when you see them, you attack them, jump on them, and start crying because you missed them more than you would ever have guessed. 

They also put you in situations and life lessons that teach you how to be a better and stronger person - one who can take on the world. They give you a support group to fall back on, people who understand you, and shared experiences to learn from and remember.

I may be two years graduated and two years out of my sorority, but I can say that I am so proud of where I have come from, and joining my sorority was one of the best decisions that I ever made. So I am going to go eat pancakes, and support my sisters while they raise money for St Jude Research Hospital.

A Really Bad Joke

18 years ago today, I was diagnosed with cancer. That means that I was in Kindergarten and the last thing that I should have had to deal with was dying. I should have been running around outside, getting dirty, causing trouble, and in general, just being a carefree 6-year-old. Instead, I spent my summer inside a hospital, being poked and prodded, feeling generally miserable, and dealing with emotions and fear that no person, but especially not a 6-year-old, should ever have to deal with. I have to say, it was one REALLY bad April Fools' joke. :P

Now, I was what they call "textbook" - I didn't have any weird reactions or complications and went into remission very quickly and in general, was a very healthy kid. But others of my friends were not so lucky. I have friends who had strange side effects, were held back in school, relapsed, and even passed away - some of whom had the exact same disease that I had! Imagine trying to process that at 6-years-old! You are the same age and have the same disease as your friend but you make it, and they don't. Extremely traumatic is probably the simplest way to describe that.

But I guess that is partly the point of this post - I had to grow up at a very young age because I had to be able to deal with something far beyond my abilities. Things like this change you - and they change you for good. You deal with them, process them, and move on, but in the end, that experience stays with you and has fundamentally changed who you are. It also fundamentally changes those people around you who had to deal with it with you. It draws you closer, or pushes you apart. I'm overall a very lucky kid - my relationships were strengthened all the way around. Not only that, but I've developed my own set of interests and passions that come from that experience. But I've also got my own issues that come from there too such as how I deal with conflict - I deal with them as I recognize them and move on, but that doesn't change the fact that for good or bad, near-death experiences fundamentally alter you.

I've played my share of April Fools' jokes, but for me this day means something entirely different. I thank God for my life, the people in it, and those who no longer are. I take some time to remember those that I have lost and ask myself if they would be proud of what I have done with my life, since they never had the chance. Because there is a reason that I am here and they are not. I have absolutely no idea what that reason is, and I will probably never know, but there is a reason, and it wasn't just chance. Because of that, I want to make sure that I am living the legacy that my fellow cancer kids would have wanted me to leave behind; because I should have died 18 years ago, so in reality, I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain - but that doesn't mean that I'm alone.

Be thankful for what you have - each and every day. Be thankful for the little things, because you never know when or how it can be taken from you. Live for those people that have brought you to where you are today, but most of all - live for yourself.