What I Want

At some point, we re-evaluate our lives - if you are me, this happens on nearly a daily basis. Recently, I've been finding a lot of things that I want that I don't currently have, and I think I've always wanted them. So here is the beginning of the list of things that, at 25, I want:

1. I want to read a book more than just on school breaks.

2. I want to cook.

3. I want to have the time to go to the gym 3 - 5 nights a week - and actually go.

4. I want to go grocery shopping with my roommates.

5. I want to spend Friday afternoons with my mom.

6. I want someone to love me, but I also want them to be willing to work and grow with me. Like an old school pop song, "I want [them] to want me."

7. I want to get a full night's sleep every night.

8. I want to watch TV.

9. I want to go to Happy Hour with my girl friends.

10. I want to clean my apartment. (Well, I want a clean apartment, which means that I want time to clean it...not really that I want to do the cleaning.)

11. I want time to talk to my best friends and keep in touch.

12. I want to hang out with my sister.

13. I want to be able to work and come home, and have work stay at work.

14. I want to make another quilt.

15. I want to work on my scrapbooks.

16. I want to be able to disconnect from the world for an entire week and not have some disaster to fix.

17. I want to walk my [parent's] dogs.

18. I want to go for a run.

19. I want to break in my climbing shoes.

20. I want to be able to sit for 5 minutes, and truly feel like I can and not have to worry about everything else I have to do.

What do you want?

Chaos

So, it's Spring Break, and I'm busy working, seeing friends, and trying to stay on top of everything that I have to do, as well as study for an exam on Monday (yes, the day after Spring Break, my life sucks.) Apparently, when I was up at 7am on the first Monday of my break, my dad asks my mom, "Does she ever take a break?" My mom's reply: "No, no, I don't think she does."

I need my breaks just as much as everyone else, but I also need to be busy. Maybe you can relate? I keep moving, get stuff done, and can't keel over until everything really truly is said and done.

For me, I don't feel alive unless I'm constantly flying by the seat of my pants. I thrive on that time where you are so busy, you simply give up sleeping. The catch? You have to be doing something that you really love or else none of it is worth it.

Chaos can be a good thing. If you are like me, you can thrive on it, but it can also help prove to you what is really worth your time and is worth fighting for. Because when all-Hell-breaks-loose, the part of the chaos that you hold on to and attempt to control, is the part that you really care about, that part that you don't want to lose.

So say "yes" to too many things. Do more than you think you can, just to prove it to yourself. Live in the chaos of life and don't try to avoid it. Understand that it is all part of the bigger picture and something beautiful will come out of it.