Goals

I never thought very highly of goal-setting. Yes, I know, they are supposed to be a way of focusing your life and staying motivated and there are these bogus "statistics" that say people who set goals are more likely to achieve them...or something. But I'm one of those people who re-evaluates my life constantly, so setting S.M.A.R.T goals was really just a lot of extra work that I didn't (don't) have time for.

However, I took a class this semester where we did goal setting at the beginning and end of the semester and then compared them. We had to write 1-year and 5-year personal goals and professional goals. At the end of the semester, I felt rather justified in my lack of goal-setting practice, because my goals 1) hadn't changed drastically from beginning to end of the semester and 2) the only one that had, I could have totally told you that my thoughts had changed, without comparing the written down goals - I know myself pretty well, thank you very much!

During this process, though, I realized that the professional goals were easy - those are the things that I have been generally working towards my whole life, if not at least the past 8 years. The personal ones though, now those were hard. (Partly because I didn't feel like "get married" was an appropriate long-term personal goal to write down for a leadership class. Not to mention, it's nearly impossible to predict and plan for something like that.) But I was driving home from yoga tonight (yes, yoga, I had to swallow whatever pride I carry around and tell my mom that she "won" and yoga actually made my back feel better - I've been fighting her on this for...'round about 13 years) but I was driving home from yoga and realized that I do have a goal - to feel better about my life. This has been my goal for the last 2 years - as I'm sure if you've read much of this blog, you probably could have guessed. But to get a grip, grow up, and be content and happy.

Now, I am naturally an extremely patient person, but when it comes to myself, I think I can get things done quickly and get very frustrated when I can't. That is also part of this goal. My goal is:

Be completely healthy in mind, body, and spirit, in one year.

That is my true "1-year personal goal" Dr. Robinson, I hope you are happy. So here is my explanation:

- One year because, as much as I hate to admit it, these things take time and I have to accept that. My previous attempts that amounted to "next month," "when school starts," and various versions of "tomorrow" have not worked and were a result of me wanting to force my emotions into submission which is not really very healthy overall. One year will make it so I do not try to rush this process because, after all, you can't rush perfection. :)

- Mind, body, and spirit - because all good things come in threes, and "three is a magic number," but also because these three aspects of a person are so intertwined that they really can't be distinguished, and because if I want to be the best Me that I can be, all three of these need to be in one-piece.

So here is to a journey, and may the journey be as valuable as the destination. 

7 Cardinal Rules in Life

Everyone goes through times in their life that are more challenging than others - and if you haven't, I'm slightly worried about you, because believe me, your time is coming...but there are a few things that we all need to remember as the days go by that can try to help us through those times.

1. Make Peace with your Past. No matter what you have done in your life, God still loves you - and if He loves you, then you have no reason not to love you. I'm also sure that we've all done at least 1 thing that we believe is unforgivable - but that isn't true either, those things just need more time and healing.

2. What Others Think of You is None of Your Business. This is true - what you think of yourself is really all that matters. My roommates and I were talking last night about people we know - and this morphed into, "what do other people say about me?" (And we were referring to people who don't know us that well but that see us every day.) And you know, as much as we would still like to know the answer to that question - if we are happy with our own lives and with who we are, then other people will have nothing bad to say about us! Always be kind and prove your value to yourself, and the opinions of others will fall to the wayside.

3. Time Heals Almost Everything - to be honest, I haven't yet found something that time WON'T heal. The problem is, you have to wait for it. "Patience is a virtue," as they say, but maybe patience is really meant to keep us calm while we wait for time to heal us, because it will, and you will be a changed person because of the experience. (It's also nice to remember that "there is nothing new under the sun" and you are not the only person who has ever been hurt or has had to wait for time to heal you - it doesn't really help a ton, but it does help with the patience aspect slightly.)

4. You are the Reason for your Happiness. This goes back to number 2, if you are happy with yourself, life will be good. When we turn to alcohol or sex or pick-your-negative outlet to create a semblance of happiness, that feeling is fleeting - and will leave you less fulfilled and more unhappy as time goes on. Find something productive that makes you happy - be that exercise, dance, or throwing yourself at as many leadership positions as you can possibly handle - just make sure it's productive. Through those positive things that already make you happy, you will, with God's help, learn to find yourself again.

5. Don't Compare your Life with Others - this brings expectations that won't be fulfilled for you. I read a book once called He's Just Not That Into You (the movie is pretty good too - I recommend both of them), and the authors kept saying things along the lines of "just because this one person that your friend knows had this guy that behaved this way, doesn't mean that that's normal and will happen to you." The point of that was - don't compare your story to that of others! (Now, I truly believe that every happy couple has one of those "exception" stories, you just don't have any way of knowing which dating "rule" is the one you will be breaking, so you have to learn to play by the "rules." But that is another story.) The point is, you're life is your own - so be happy with it. Comparing will only bring you heartache.

6. Stop Thinking Too Much. To be honest, this one is probably my hardest one - and to be more honest, the reason I'm writing this blog to begin with, to get my thoughts out in one coherent place so as to stop that never-ending-ruminating-cycle. I always want there to be an answer and many times, there either isn't one, or I don't like the one that exists. Start a diary, rant to a friend, write a blog - do whatever it takes to get yourself to stop over-thinking the situation - because most of the time they aren't even worth it.

and last but definitely not least,

7. Smile and stand up straight. Put on your 4 inch heels if it makes you more confident. Not only does smiling actually releases endorphins and serotonin and relieves stress which makes us physically happier. On top of that, it makes you more attractive and open and friendly which draws people in! I actually have a friend that I thought was a terrible human being when I first met her - and the more I saw her smile the more I wanted to be her friend, and the funny thing is - she is quite a wonderful human being who was just unhappy at the point in time when I met her! But to be honest, I would never have even gone out of my way to be nice, had I not seen her smile and had this crazy idea that she might be cool. The more you can smile, and laugh, the happier you will be - I guarantee it.

Lent

Today is Ash Wednesday. For anyone who doesn't know, that means that today is the day that practicing Catholics begin 40 days of repentance before Easter. These 40 days are meant to mimic the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert prior to beginning His ministry in Galilee.

Repentance. That got me thinking, as it always does, because I never know what I'm giving up for Lent until Ash Wednesday. I try to never do the same thing because I believe that I need to constantly be challenging myself - it's not hard if you do pick something easy on purpose. The thought process that I go through each year includes the questions: what is something that I need to do to better myself? and what is something that I need? Each year, these questions rotate in importance depending on the events going on in my life at the time, as I'm sure you all can relate to.

Now, I am far from perfect. Like everyone else, I would really like to be perfect, but I know that I am not and I never will be. I make mistakes and struggle with aspects of life just like everybody else. I know that I am no one to judge others and I try very hard not to. Quotes like this one put that into perspective: because everyone, no matter how good they are now, has made at least one mistake in their lifetime and everyone who is in the middle of their most recent mistake, will learn from it and move on. St Peter, the first pope, one of the Twelve Apostles, made mistakes. He even went so far as to renounce Jesus when he knew Him! We regard Peter, the Rock, as a saint, even though we all know his past and who he was before - it's written all over the Bible. (At least when I make a mistake, it doesn't get written down in a Book that will be read for centuries to come!)

The way I see this, is that if Jesus can forgive Peter for renouncing Him at exactly the moment that He would have needed all the support He could get from His friends - then He can forgive me, and I can forgive myself, for the mistakes that I have made in my life and all the many that I will make in the future.

So maybe this Lenten season, we need to not give up candy or chocolate or coffee, but instead really take a look at what we need and what will make us a better person. Maybe if we do that, we can make fewer mistakes. Or maybe we will just avoid a few and make different ones. Either way, as long as we are really trying, God will forgive us for our mistakes - we just need to put our faith in Him and remember, that no matter how bad we have been, we can always change and be better.

Crossroads

Age-old prayer. I've thought this a lot lately, but it's not a new thought - just one that comes up repeatedly when you are at a crossroads in life. Those times when you can only move forward but you have no idea what forward means - all you know for certain is that going back is not an option.

Life would definitely be way easier if God would tell us more than just a general direction to move in. Specifics would definitely be nice :) . I find that a lot of the time I flander around until He actually has to kick me into moving and even then, all I know is that I'm actually moving again, but the direction is still somewhere in the mist.

Everything works out. As Dr Seuss said: "Everything will be alright in the end, if it's not alright, it's not the end." Now, my friends used to laugh and roll their eyes when I would quote this - mostly because I was quoting an overused Dr Seuss quote, not because it wasn't true. Sometimes it also wasn't really what they wanted to hear - they wanted things to be alright right now, not have to wait until later. I completely agree. But sometimes, while the end result is the ultimate goal, the process of getting there can change us - for better or for worse. When that change makes you a better, stronger person who is more comfortable in his/her own skin - then that change is definitely for the better.

So do what you have to do - cry, be sarcastic (which according to my sister and her psychology classes is really pent-up aggression), party and dance on tables, obnoxiously follow your friends around, read a book or watch a movie, go on a date with yourself...whatever it is - but don't forget to pray always and spend time looking at your life and, as hard and impossible as it may seem, find your road. Because God will show you everything in His timing. But His time is not our time nor are His ways our ways, so be patient and pray always.

Believe

I have been through a lot in my life, including recently . This is not big news - everyone has. What I have found is that to get through everything, you need to believe. Believe in God, believe in yourself, and sometimes have someone believe in you. I have a couple of really good friends who have stood by me in the past year. They believe in me. And that knowledge helped me to believe in myself when my world seemed to be crashing down around me. Sometimes the idea of "fake it till you feel it" helps you to believe that everything is going to be ok in the end.