Be Courageous

I saw this quote today and it caught my attention because I agree. When it comes to being hurt - we torture ourselves: we Facebook creep on our ex's and think of the what-ifs and what-might-have-been's, we wish and hope that so-and-so will come to their senses and apologize, the list goes on. And I really don't know why we are masochistic like that, but we are. I suppose it is part if the healing process, but come on! At some point you just have to let it all go and move on! And when you get to that point, it's actually surprising at how tough it is. It's as though we have come to define ourselves by the past, and we hold on to the baggage that hurts us because we are afraid to re-define ourselves in our future. It's as though we are afraid that what is coming can never equal that which we are leaving. And that is obviously not true, because if you are that hurt, then things can only get better. Now of course, as I have said before, out past creates who we are - but it doesn't hold us back from change and who we can be, only specific things that we don't let go are capable of that.

So be courageous!! Be yourself! Because you will never know what is truly wonderful until you have let go of all the hurt - all of the past that holds you back from your potential. So go! Have the courage to let go of what has previously defined you, because only then can we find out what is truly wonderful.

Goals

I never thought very highly of goal-setting. Yes, I know, they are supposed to be a way of focusing your life and staying motivated and there are these bogus "statistics" that say people who set goals are more likely to achieve them...or something. But I'm one of those people who re-evaluates my life constantly, so setting S.M.A.R.T goals was really just a lot of extra work that I didn't (don't) have time for.

However, I took a class this semester where we did goal setting at the beginning and end of the semester and then compared them. We had to write 1-year and 5-year personal goals and professional goals. At the end of the semester, I felt rather justified in my lack of goal-setting practice, because my goals 1) hadn't changed drastically from beginning to end of the semester and 2) the only one that had, I could have totally told you that my thoughts had changed, without comparing the written down goals - I know myself pretty well, thank you very much!

During this process, though, I realized that the professional goals were easy - those are the things that I have been generally working towards my whole life, if not at least the past 8 years. The personal ones though, now those were hard. (Partly because I didn't feel like "get married" was an appropriate long-term personal goal to write down for a leadership class. Not to mention, it's nearly impossible to predict and plan for something like that.) But I was driving home from yoga tonight (yes, yoga, I had to swallow whatever pride I carry around and tell my mom that she "won" and yoga actually made my back feel better - I've been fighting her on this for...'round about 13 years) but I was driving home from yoga and realized that I do have a goal - to feel better about my life. This has been my goal for the last 2 years - as I'm sure if you've read much of this blog, you probably could have guessed. But to get a grip, grow up, and be content and happy.

Now, I am naturally an extremely patient person, but when it comes to myself, I think I can get things done quickly and get very frustrated when I can't. That is also part of this goal. My goal is:

Be completely healthy in mind, body, and spirit, in one year.

That is my true "1-year personal goal" Dr. Robinson, I hope you are happy. So here is my explanation:

- One year because, as much as I hate to admit it, these things take time and I have to accept that. My previous attempts that amounted to "next month," "when school starts," and various versions of "tomorrow" have not worked and were a result of me wanting to force my emotions into submission which is not really very healthy overall. One year will make it so I do not try to rush this process because, after all, you can't rush perfection. :)

- Mind, body, and spirit - because all good things come in threes, and "three is a magic number," but also because these three aspects of a person are so intertwined that they really can't be distinguished, and because if I want to be the best Me that I can be, all three of these need to be in one-piece.

So here is to a journey, and may the journey be as valuable as the destination. 

What I Want

At some point, we re-evaluate our lives - if you are me, this happens on nearly a daily basis. Recently, I've been finding a lot of things that I want that I don't currently have, and I think I've always wanted them. So here is the beginning of the list of things that, at 25, I want:

1. I want to read a book more than just on school breaks.

2. I want to cook.

3. I want to have the time to go to the gym 3 - 5 nights a week - and actually go.

4. I want to go grocery shopping with my roommates.

5. I want to spend Friday afternoons with my mom.

6. I want someone to love me, but I also want them to be willing to work and grow with me. Like an old school pop song, "I want [them] to want me."

7. I want to get a full night's sleep every night.

8. I want to watch TV.

9. I want to go to Happy Hour with my girl friends.

10. I want to clean my apartment. (Well, I want a clean apartment, which means that I want time to clean it...not really that I want to do the cleaning.)

11. I want time to talk to my best friends and keep in touch.

12. I want to hang out with my sister.

13. I want to be able to work and come home, and have work stay at work.

14. I want to make another quilt.

15. I want to work on my scrapbooks.

16. I want to be able to disconnect from the world for an entire week and not have some disaster to fix.

17. I want to walk my [parent's] dogs.

18. I want to go for a run.

19. I want to break in my climbing shoes.

20. I want to be able to sit for 5 minutes, and truly feel like I can and not have to worry about everything else I have to do.

What do you want?

Let Go

A few years ago I was on Greek Council with a few wonderful people. (The bulk if that is a different story.) When our terms were up, an advisor of ours made us a mixed CD with songs that ended up matching each of us perfectly. (Strange CD overall, the songs only go together when listened to altogether, funny, huh?) Anyways, these songs were supposed to represent not only who we were, but also what we should learn. My song was "Let Go" by Frou Frou. I knew it was mine right away because I always tried very hard to let things roll off my back, but I had this feeling that Sam thought it was something I still needed to learn. I have never asked her which she thought, and she probably wouldn't remember now, but I think the real reason it was my song was a little bit of both, because yes, I try very hard to let things roll - but I very often don't succeed.

That has happened to me a lot lately - not succeeding in that arena. One of my roommates has decided that she likes hearing me rant because it reminds her that I'm human. (High compliment in my opinion!) But I rant so that I don't lash out at others in non-productive ways. And when I don't rant, I bottle things up until something sets me off and then 2 or 3 days of my life are ruined with stress and tears. 

Some things are easy to let roll off - the company didn't deliver your material on time, the paper towel dispenser in the bathroom jammed, your boss set you a task you don't enjoy - you either ignore them or turn them into a lesson. But other things are harder - when you have to act like a President because someone acts like they're 12, you have to make a decision that you don't necessarily know is right, or someone abandons you when you thought better of them - those things take time...and good friends...and a hug...and a glass of wine...and maybe a relatively threatening rant that everyone knows won't come to fruition.

My last 2 days were like that. And I cried my eyes out multiple times. And I woke up this morning feeling a whole heck of a lot better because of the friends that I had, who were there for me when I needed them - no matter how much I'm sure they wish I'd figure it out and find some other life issue to cry about. 

So I guess this is a reminder to me and to all to "let go" and "live and let live" but also a tremendous thank you to the wonderful friends that I have - you truly have saved me more times than you realize.

Loyalty

When I die, I hope that people say that I'm loyal. I hope they say other things too, but a friend of mine called me "loyal" last week, and I was so flattered. I think it was one of the best compliments that I've ever received, and I don't think she knows what it meant to me. But just as we all know, every strength can be a fault if not used appropriately.

I have a random post (with not much on it, I'll admit), but it says "Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a damn." Now, to be honest, I didn't write much on that post because I was mad, I didn't have a whole lot to say, and I knew that nothing that I could say would have been very productive. But the quote made a good point. Loyalty is something that we desire in friends, significant others, and hopefully everyone in our lives. And when you lose that person, it isn't going to be a very positive experience for you.

Surprisingly enough, loyalty is what I'm still looking for. I'm looking for someone who fits me perfectly and who is going to be loyal. They are going to be honest, truthful, and forthcoming and they will help me to be the same. So when you say something, mean it, and don't back down later without being honest about it. Because if you aren't honest, those loyal people in your life will leave. They will leave and never look back - because they value honestly and loyalty too.

Advice from Others

Since this has mostly been an advice blog I felt like I should share the advice of others as well. These two blogs (here and here) are about marriage, but I thought they were relevant in any relationship as well. Marriage is a topic that I cannot speak to, but relationships, we all have those in many forms.

"Slutoween"

So I was on Twitter - yes, I have one, not entirely sure why except for that a bunch of my friends have one - and stumbled across this article. What made this even more entertaining for me was that I was sitting in my apartment in my sweats also seeing pictures of a bunch of my friends getting dressed up to go to the bars, and my only thought was how much better it would be for me to go to bed early instead.... #gradschoolproblems . (And I'm now up writing this, so I didn't do that either!) Now, the most revealing costumes I've worn still had me completely covered and modest - I do have photographic evidence of this, but you will have to take my word for it. But I have also seen girls go out in literally their bra and underwear with some sort of ears or headband. (Now those individuals, I judge, but you don't need to hear that topic.) But in general, I don't really care what people wear on Halloween. Here's why:

In our traditional, Halloween is about being scary, but the real history is about Samhain and the spirits that were supposed to come out and damage crops and play tricks on people at the change of seasons in the Celtic Year. The Romans and the Christians each tweaked the holiday as they came through Celtic territory and what resulted was impersonating the dead and the asking for sweet bread in exchange for prayers for people's souls. HuffingtonPost How we got to exactly where we are today, I'm not 100% positive but it involved a good many generations, I'm sure.

My point (because the history lesson really wasn't it, I promise), is that the modern view of Halloween (or All Hallow's Eve) is not necessarily about being something scary and impersonating the dead, it's simply about being something that you're not. You can choose to be slutty or not, but you just can't be yourself.

To many people, they aren't sluts, so they want to be one for a night, at least in dress. Try it on for size. See if that's something that becomes them. (I could say the same thing about the "One Night Stand" I met a few years ago who was a guy dressed up like a bedside table - kudos to you, I'm obviously still talking about it!) But the thing is - the girls who aren't sluts, hang up their costume when they get home, because it was fun to dress that way for one night, but it's not who they are.

The psychology review that the Cosmo article included pointed out the confusing sexual messages given to girls of our generation. I do think they have a good point, which is why so many girls dress scantily on Halloween - to get away from all those signals because no one will judge you for one night. (Even though there may be some heavy teasing involved.) I don't think that people do this consciously by any means, but I do think it's a big part of being 20-something. Being 20-something is about figuring out who you are amid all the pressures around you; and when those pressures are conflicting and you get a group of people going through huge life changes, there needs to be a safe outlet for those internal frustrations. During the rest of the year, people find different ways of getting rid of those pressures, but at Halloween they have the option of a different tactic.

Doing something (anything!) out of your norm can be a good release for people because they can try something different. They can go out on a limb and see if they like it there. Whatever the "different thing" is, the experience is going to help us to grow in some way. Maybe you find something that you love and fits you perfectly...or maybe you fail miserably and learn from the "mistake." But whichever the outcome, you grow. Dressing up at Halloween might be a frail attempt at "something different" considering that most of us have grown up dressing as SOMETHING for Halloween, but the costume choice can help that. Be something you aren't - just for one night (slutty or not) - and see how you like (or don't like) the view. Maybe you will gain a different perspective on life.

So the question now becomes: if the rule is that you can't be yourself - who will you be?

Happy (early) Halloween!

7 Cardinal Rules in Life

Everyone goes through times in their life that are more challenging than others - and if you haven't, I'm slightly worried about you, because believe me, your time is coming...but there are a few things that we all need to remember as the days go by that can try to help us through those times.

1. Make Peace with your Past. No matter what you have done in your life, God still loves you - and if He loves you, then you have no reason not to love you. I'm also sure that we've all done at least 1 thing that we believe is unforgivable - but that isn't true either, those things just need more time and healing.

2. What Others Think of You is None of Your Business. This is true - what you think of yourself is really all that matters. My roommates and I were talking last night about people we know - and this morphed into, "what do other people say about me?" (And we were referring to people who don't know us that well but that see us every day.) And you know, as much as we would still like to know the answer to that question - if we are happy with our own lives and with who we are, then other people will have nothing bad to say about us! Always be kind and prove your value to yourself, and the opinions of others will fall to the wayside.

3. Time Heals Almost Everything - to be honest, I haven't yet found something that time WON'T heal. The problem is, you have to wait for it. "Patience is a virtue," as they say, but maybe patience is really meant to keep us calm while we wait for time to heal us, because it will, and you will be a changed person because of the experience. (It's also nice to remember that "there is nothing new under the sun" and you are not the only person who has ever been hurt or has had to wait for time to heal you - it doesn't really help a ton, but it does help with the patience aspect slightly.)

4. You are the Reason for your Happiness. This goes back to number 2, if you are happy with yourself, life will be good. When we turn to alcohol or sex or pick-your-negative outlet to create a semblance of happiness, that feeling is fleeting - and will leave you less fulfilled and more unhappy as time goes on. Find something productive that makes you happy - be that exercise, dance, or throwing yourself at as many leadership positions as you can possibly handle - just make sure it's productive. Through those positive things that already make you happy, you will, with God's help, learn to find yourself again.

5. Don't Compare your Life with Others - this brings expectations that won't be fulfilled for you. I read a book once called He's Just Not That Into You (the movie is pretty good too - I recommend both of them), and the authors kept saying things along the lines of "just because this one person that your friend knows had this guy that behaved this way, doesn't mean that that's normal and will happen to you." The point of that was - don't compare your story to that of others! (Now, I truly believe that every happy couple has one of those "exception" stories, you just don't have any way of knowing which dating "rule" is the one you will be breaking, so you have to learn to play by the "rules." But that is another story.) The point is, you're life is your own - so be happy with it. Comparing will only bring you heartache.

6. Stop Thinking Too Much. To be honest, this one is probably my hardest one - and to be more honest, the reason I'm writing this blog to begin with, to get my thoughts out in one coherent place so as to stop that never-ending-ruminating-cycle. I always want there to be an answer and many times, there either isn't one, or I don't like the one that exists. Start a diary, rant to a friend, write a blog - do whatever it takes to get yourself to stop over-thinking the situation - because most of the time they aren't even worth it.

and last but definitely not least,

7. Smile and stand up straight. Put on your 4 inch heels if it makes you more confident. Not only does smiling actually releases endorphins and serotonin and relieves stress which makes us physically happier. On top of that, it makes you more attractive and open and friendly which draws people in! I actually have a friend that I thought was a terrible human being when I first met her - and the more I saw her smile the more I wanted to be her friend, and the funny thing is - she is quite a wonderful human being who was just unhappy at the point in time when I met her! But to be honest, I would never have even gone out of my way to be nice, had I not seen her smile and had this crazy idea that she might be cool. The more you can smile, and laugh, the happier you will be - I guarantee it.

For Coffee Lovers:

I can't remember where I found this...probably Pinterest or something, but I thought it was funny. I also am avoiding studying like the plague and yet didn't have much to say - so thought I'd be fun instead of reflective today! So, coffee:

Double Espresso - practical and hard-working! I like it! I tend to drink this (and anything that isn't drip coffee) in the middle of the day when I'm beat - hardworking must be right!

Mocha - I don't drink the above espresso plain...ever.

Macchiato - I only drink these when I'm tired and really just want sugar. So I get the best of both worlds - caffeine and sugar! As for traditional and reserved ...that might actually be accurate too haha. Depends on who you talk to, I guess. I might drink frappuccinos for the same reason - when I really just want ice cream :P

Iced Coffee - this is very good for summer days, or left over coffee. But yes - straws are fun.

Americano - I guess this is probably what I drink mixed with the espresso - I tend to order 2 shot americanos. Apparently that's a thing, although not on this list. Although, like the mocha - never plain, ever. But I do hope I'm calm...at least most of the time.

Coffee-to-Go - yep. I don't know about the cardboard sleeve - but I have a well-loved to-go mug that I bring from home...every-damn-day.

So now you know what coffee I drink...and depending on if you believe this list or not, maybe you know a little more about me too. :P

Drunk Last Night - Eli Young Band

We all know the feeling - you're going through life just totally fine and one day you find yourself crying yourself to sleep (or nearly) because of THEM. I was thinking today about why this is. And I can't say I know - maybe it's a picture you saw on Facebook, maybe you're finally truly letting them go and you're being forced to miss them all over again, or maybe you saw that cute couple at church and realized that you nearly had that - the guy that actually went to church with you and didn't complain about it, maybe even suggested it! Whatever the reason, hopefully you won't be hurting long. Life has it's ups and downs and sometimes those tears are therapeutic. As much as we hate to cry, they mean that you've reached the end of your rope and you will be stronger when this is over.


"Drunk Last Night"

I got a little drunk last night
There's something 'bout a midnight rain
Staring at the ceiling fan
I couldn't get you off my brain

I guess I wasn't thinking straight
I couldn't tell wrong from right
I went ahead and called you up
I got a little drunk last night

I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last the last time every time
Don't know why

Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk last night

I got a little too far gone
I was talking way too loud
I don't remember what I said
I just remember breaking down

I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last the last time every time
Don't know why

Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a girl who looked like you
Might've been a fluke, might've been a full moon
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk last night

Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a girl who looked like you
Might've been a fluke, might've been a full moon
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk

I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last the last time every time

I got a little drunk last night
I got a little drunk last night
Thought I could keep it all inside
But I got a little drunk last night


But for now, feel the emotion - whether good or bad, because whatever the reason it's there...there is a reason. And only by going through it, will you be able to get to the end and the happiness on the other side.

Forgotten

This picture doesn't really have much to do with this. But I was thinking today - you know, sometimes, I want to be the one people text. I want to be the one with the information. When anything fun is happening and no one tells me (unless my roommates do), it kind of sucks when everyone else hangs out together....and no one thought to tell me...

Yes, I'm aware. This sounds like a childish rant - and probably is. But it really makes me wonder - what did I do? Or what didn't I do? I have a lot of great friends, but I'm not the "party-person." I'm not the exciting one. But as far as I'm aware I'm not a bad friend - and if I am and my friends could inform me of this, I would really like to know. K, thanks!

When my roommates look at me at 9:30 and say, "are you going out tonight?" and my response is, "no....are people going out?" I know I'm invited - and I know that my roommate was probably assumed to be responsible enough with the information to include me. But that's really not the point, is it? Somewhere along the line I developed I fear of being forgotten....and I wonder where I picked up on that one?

Sometimes....just for a bit, I would really like to be the "popular" one.

What It Means to Be in a Sorority

This blog hit the nail on the head in a way that I never could. If you have never been in a sorority or fraternity, you might never understand. But just know, that its the best decision that we have ever made.

Young

"Young"

Looking back now, well it makes me laugh 

We were growin our hair, we were cuttin' class 

Knew it all already, there was nothing to learn 

We were strikin' matches just to watch 'em burn 

Listen to our music just a little too loud 

We were hangin' in there with the outcast crowd 

Headin' to the rapids with some discount beer 

It was a long train tussle but we had no fear. 

Man I don't know, where the time goes 

But It sure goes fast, just like that 

We were wanna be rebels who didn't have a clue 

With our Rock n' roll T-shirts, and our typically bad attitudes 

Had no excuses for the things that we'd done 

We were brave, we were crazy, we were mostly

Young 

Talked a good game when we were out with the guys 

But in the back seat we were awkward and shy 

Girls were a mystery that we couldn't explain 

And I guess there are some things that are never gonna change 

Man I don't know, where the time goes 

But It sure goes fast, just like that 

We were wanna be rebels who didn't have a clue 

With our Rock n' roll T-shirts, and our typically bad attitudes 

Had no excuses for the things that we'd done 

We were brave, we were crazy, we were mostly

Young 

Young, Young, Yeah Wishin' we were older 

Young, Hey I wish it wasn't over 

                        Man I don't know, where the time goes 
                           But It sure goes fast, just like that 
                  We were wanna be rebels who didn't have a clue 
          With our Rock n' roll T-shirts, and our typically bad attitudes 
                     Had no excuses for the things that we'd done 
                   We were brave, we were crazy, we were mostly
                                                Young 
                Young, Hey wishin' we were older, wish it wasn't over

Sometimes I wish I had been dumber in undergrad. I have always been old for my age. (Yes, I know that sounds pompous and unrealistic, but I actually have been told that before.) But what I found was that I was only older in some ways. Overall, I was probably just as young as everyone else. But I sometimes I wish I had been dumber (and younger) in undergrad because maybe I would be more confident now. But not only that, there are many times now that I wish I could just be crazy and party and not care one bit. But I can't. Because that's not me. I care a lot, I'm not crazy, and I will never be a true party-animal. But that doesn't mean that there isn't a small part in me that would like that. It just seems easier. But then again, we all want what we can't have.

Little Bit of Everything

"Little Bit Of Everything"

I wish I could take a cab down to the creek
And hang a disco ball from an old oak tree
Smoke and drink once in a while
Somehow it'd be good for me
I want a cool chick that'll cook for me
But'll dance on the bar in her tan bare feet
And do what I want when I want and she'll do it with me

I don't need too much of nothing
I just wanna sing a little chill song
Get my groove on
Pour something strong
Down in my drink
Oh, I know
That I don't need a whole lot of anything
I just want a little bit of everything
Na na na na, na na na na
I just want a little bit of everything
Na na na na, na na na na

Now I don't need a garage full of cars
But I'll take a whole box of Cuban cigars
And I'll smoke 'em nice and slow
Like they were good for me
Don't need a ranch or a big piece of land
But I like to get a little bit of dirt on my hands
A big ole couch in a big ole room
Still feels lonely when it's just you
Yes it does

I don't need too much of nothing
I just wanna sing a little chill song
Get my groove on
Pour something strong
Down in my drink
Oh, I know
That I don't need a whole lot of anything
I just want a little bit of everything
Na na na na, na na na na

A little bit of everything
Under the sun
So, when I kick back basking in it
I'll be OK with what I've done
Still having fun

Cause I don't need too much of nothing
I just wanna sing a little chill song
Get my groove on
Pour something strong
Down in my drink
Oh, I know
That I don't need a whole lot of anything
I just want a little bit of everything
Na na na na, na na na na
I just want a little bit of everything
Na na na na, na na na na
I just want a little bit of everything
Yeah yea yea
Whoa, whoa, oh yeah

Now I don't know about you, but I want to be happy. That's all I want. I have spent the majority of the last 2 years being unhappy, and that's not ok with me. Now, on some level - it's life, and you put your big girl panties on and get over it. But 2 years?! I think that's excessive. But you know what? After everything that's happened to me, I have no good advice. I can only parrot what has come before me: 

"Only time will tell."

"Time heals all hurts."

Sometimes the only thing you can do is to process and wait. Wait until something better shows up. Wait until God is sure that you have learned whatever lesson He wants you to have learned. And sometimes...no, all the time, that is exceedingly frustrating. But maybe part of the lesson is patience? That is the only reason that I can come up with....but if you have a different idea, let me know.

We all just want to be happy. And, with time, we will be.

Trust

My tea told me this today. I seem to have a habit of finding tea with words of wisdom on them. Some extra wisdom never hurt anybody.

This struck me because I have this issue. The first being that I have to work with someone that I don't really trust. (Disclaimer, this has nothing to do with their ability to do their job or with their personality and I know they care deeply.) But I still don't trust them. I don't trust them to deal with any situation like an adult should - and it makes my life a lot harder. 

No one needs people around who make your life harder - but when your soul is already not at peace because of everything else in your life, this issue is the one that can surface as the most important - even when in the long run, it's probably the least important.

Trust that people will act like adults, do their job, not hurt you, be there when you need them....those are all things that we need to be confident in in order to live a peaceful life. When one of those is out of alignment, your whole person is off-kilter. The challenge then is to be the adult - to deal with each situation head-on and in the most graceful way possible. Things get better always, but sometimes it just takes awhile, a lot of hard work, and a lot of re-centering, to get yourself there.

Peace Be With You.

Pets

These are my dogs. I should clarify, they are my parent's dogs technically, and I love them dearly. But this blog is sort of about the benefits of not having a dog....sort of.

I am pet sitting this weekend - and I love dogs, so I am doing this quite happily, but it really puts a damper on your life. I mean, cats can more-or-less take care of themselves, but dogs need a lot of attention, they need to be fed on time, they need to be walked, and taken to the vet... I love dogs and I'm sure I will have one some day, but I am glad that today is not that day and that I can just go home and play with these two lovely goldens without the responsibility of taking care of them.

In this time of my life where my friends are starting to get pets, and get married, and the beginning of the babies stage is upon us - I have to say, that I am not ready for any of that. Some times I just eat roasted veggies....for a whole meal...and sometimes I eat a whole bag of popcorn for dinner. I'm still at a place where I enjoy my freedom and I don't want a pet (or God-forbid, a child) to take care of when there are days that I barely can take care of myself, I'm so busy.

Some day I will have the dogs and the kids and the husband, but for now, I will enjoy my freedom.

Positive Change

So I guess I don't really have as much to say on this subject as I thought I did. I found this quote and it really spoke to me though. I feel like it's a really good piece of advice to remember, and we hear it in many forms:

"It's what I do that defines me." - Batman

"You are what you eat, from your head to your feet!"

I'm even reading a 100 year-old book called 'As A Man Thinketh' where the whole point of the book is that a man is what he thinks - his thoughts define him.

I guess I've been thinking about this type of stuff a lot in the past few years, and maybe longer than that if I'm honest. "Who am I?" Is the age old question that ever person on this planet must eventually answer in order to be happy.

Change is good - it's necessary and healthy (even if maybe it hurts sometimes). And as long as you grow "into yourself" as they say, you are doing life right. But, as a friend of mine once told me, "That's OK as long as you don't change into someone that you don't want to be." And she was right. I knew she didn't have to worry, but at the time of the advice, I could see why she felt the need to give me this very wise advice.

You have some degree of control over how you change, just as you can control the thoughts that you think. To a point, life happens to you. But in order to truly live, you must play the game, you must act, you must learn to control and learn from the things that happen to you. When you can learn from every situation and truly grow from it, you are living well. 

Learning is part of change. It drives positive change. And isn't positive change what we all are seeking?

Ampersand

So, I just watched the final episode of this year's Bachelorette - yes, I know, it aired like a month ago. And the truth is, I think I saw about 1 other episode. Unlike most of the population, The Bachelor/Bachelorette saga drives me absolutely crazy because it is 1) very fake with all the rules they set up and 2) entirely unrealistic. I mean, in a show that promotes "finding love" they go through that process very quickly and how many of these couples are still together?

Yes, I know, for some people, when-you-know-you-know and they are engaged and married within a year. But for the vast majority of the population, that just isn't true. And there is nothing wrong with that - it's simply a fact.

Life (and love) moves at a much slower pace than the Bachelor/Bachelorette would have us believe. But I don't think that is the fault of the entertainment industry - they are simply playing off what we already want. We WANT love to move faster, we WANT to find that person, and we definitely DON'T WANT to deal with heartbreak and rejection. But we can be reassured in knowing that although nothing lasts forever - there is always an "and."

The Only Choice

As I was searching for a picture quote to describe the way I've been feeling lately, this one caught my attention. Now, I'm not at a place in my life where I'm ready to commit to someone forever, but that doesn't mean that I'm not ready to commit. We go through high school and even college wanting someone to spend time with and have fun with, but what I'm finding recently is that I really do want that person that I might be able to spend my life with. That's the funny thing - when you find someone who nearly fits that bill, you realize that it's possible - that person is out there!

But sometimes the heartache and the waiting take their toll. And doubt creeps in - that ever spreading doubt that brings you down and tries to make you believe that none of your dreams will come true and you will be alone forever. And fighting that doubt is far easier said than done. But as an elf once told me, "Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing" (The Santa Claus) - just because you can't see the end result, doesn't mean that it isn't there.

Because in the end, even if I would never make them choose, the right person (in the right timing) will choose me. And they won't choose me because they have no better options - they will choose me because even if they have other options, I would still be the only right choice. Just because I'm ready to make some commitment to this mystery person - doesn't mean that I've even met them yet, and all I can do is to just hold on through the heartache and the waiting - and know that at the end of the tunnel is some country boy who will be everything that I ever dreamed he would be - and more.

"I'm not surprised, not everything lasts

I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track

Talk myself in, I talk myself out

I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it

I came up with a million excuses

I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out

You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up

I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck

Wherever you are, whenever it's right

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing

And, baby, your love is gonna change me

And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out

You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair

In love and war

But I won't need to fight it

We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing

And being in your life is gonna change me

And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out

And I'll work to work it out

Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get

Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh, you know it'll all turn out

And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out

And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get

Yeah, I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet

Oh, promise you, kid

To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love

Love, love, love, love

(I just haven't met you yet)

Love, love, love, love

Love, love

I just haven't met you yet."

"Haven't Met You Yet" - Michael Buble (lyrics courtesy of MetroLyrics)